Sunday, April 06, 2003
Ian, thanks for Chapter 3, wonderful stuff. Turn of the century 1899 / 1900 I presume you meant, not millennium. I got a real sense of the storm, the household and a sense of adventure. Great descriptions and narrative. I wondered if anything was going to happen for a while but I was content to read about the domestic life and circumstances. If I might make a suggestion, I would say it could do with a dash of colour and possibly other sensual references, warmth, cold, smells. It's hard to find any colours mentioned in the text - a little would go a long way. The doll is mentioned a lot, but I don't know what colour it was. (Maybe I missed something.) There is the white water, but white water is almost a compound noun (if that is the term) in a way. The passage about the visit of Queen Victoria seemed a bit lumpy as if it was outside the story, or point of view. I didn't doubt the authenticity of the dialogue, assuming people spoke in a more formal way than we do today. How true that is I don't know. I was wondering whether more bits of dialect could be thrown in, without turning it into an impenetrable D. H. Lawrence style. I balked a bit at Mr Johnson's description of how the carriages got bogged down; it sounded more like narrative. The rescue is exciting and touching.